Timing

It's all about timing.  Every little thing in life comes down to it, even if you are unaware of that fact.  Many Christians believe in God's timing and I must admit I am one of those people.  I think that as human beings we have choices, but ultimately I think God knows what lies at the end of each path.

For the past three years, and probably even before that, I struggled to figure out a plan for my life.  I eventually figured out a major in college so that gave me some direction.  And I would pray halfheartedly for direction and then do my own thing, trying to piece it together myself.  Obviously my attempts to figure things out only went as far as making me even more frustrated.  I knew/know that I need to let God have full control over my life, but sometimes that's just really hard to do (especially for control freaks like me).  How in the world am I supposed to freely give up the reins that I'm grasping so tightly to and believe that things will work out?  How is maybe not the right question, and honestly I shouldn't be asking anyway because I know the answer.  I am supposed to give control to God.  He is in charge of this world and this life.  He knows the desires of my heart and the purpose for creating me.  Why wouldn't I give it all to him to control?  Honestly? I'm super impatient and I feel like I NEED to know the plan so that I can have a piece of mind.

There have been several moments (of despair) when I throw up my hands and "give" it all to him.  Not just control, but my fears and doubts and any other emotion I'm experiencing.  But life gets a little better and I find myself trying to plan again until I hit another pothole.  I am not saying that I think we are supposed to do nothing while sitting back to enjoy the ride.  As I said at the beginning of this tangent, I think we have choices and I think we are supposed to LIVE.  It's just that the guidance (or lack of) comes from Him, He is present even if He isn't speaking.



Okay, so all of that to say... For the past three+ years I have been struggling to find my purpose in life.  Especially being a Christian, I feel like my life is supposed to have purpose.  I don't feel like I was put here on this Earth to go to work 9-5, earn a paycheck, and have a comfortable life.  Don't get me wrong, I would be all for that, but God didn't call us to lead comfortable lives.  Anyway, now that I'm living in the Washington D.C. metro area, it is critical to gain as much experience before leaving college, so that you can land a great job after college.  I thought that was dumb and ignored the advice of many a career counselor.  Then I experience the unforgiving job market and search last year.  I learned that experience DOES matter.  Will my new life lesson in mind, I began applying for internships, landed one that I thought was worthy of taking and went back to school.  I only had one year left of courses, so I would be graduating in August 2012.

I definitely spent a ton of time praying about it, but even after feeling resolved in my decision, I still had some doubt.  The internship was unpaid and it was supposed to be all school year.  It would be a rough year, but A and I decided the experience would pay off in the end.  The internship was great and worthwhile and ended up only lasting a semester.  Next we made a decision for me to do a short, two week study abroad trip to further enhance my experience.  However, not only would I not be paid for this one, but I had to pay to go.  It was a risk, but again we felt it was worth it, especially since I planned on getting a part-time job or internship upon returning in order to help with finances.

Only downfall was that I couldn't find a job when I returned and after three months of looking, settled for a retail position.  I don't even know how many jobs I applied to and will never count them because it would be depressing.  I even interviewed for a few but wasn't the best candidate for the positions.  So I got back at the end of January, searched and searched and searched, then finally settled for a part-time retail job (that basically paid nothing) in April.  At this point I started to become a little downtrodden and began to doubt that the experience we took the risk for me to gain was not going to pay off (and I promised A that it would).  I was constantly praying, asking and pleading for direction.

Finally, I found an internship that would continue to give me experience, but was paid and full-time over the summer.  Great opportunity and I actually got it!  I started to calm a bit because we weren't in such a bad situation if I had semi-employment.  But God stepped in.  He showed me that He had control and has had control this entire time.

I have been out of touch with a lot of people over this past year due to my full-time school schedule and practically full-time work schedule.  I was able to schedule lunch with a friend that I hadn't seen in ages and to my surprise she mentioned an opening in her office.  She described a bit about the position and it sounded somewhat interesting.  I researched and found the job posting and was floored when reading it.  It sounded exactly like me (thanks to the experience I had gained over this past year).  I applied, thinking that it wouldn't really go anywhere.  However, I got an interview...and then I got the job.  God is AWESOME!

So I started working at the most ideal job I could ever ask for right out of college.  I spent the last two weeks getting acclimated via the girl I'm replacing.  Okay, so not only is God awesome, but his timing really is perfect.  For the girl I'm replacing, she has been waiting patiently to take her photography business full-time.  Is it coincidence that she decided to do so at the same time I would be looking to start full-time employment? I think not, actually I know not.  God's timing is PERFECT!  I am super happy for her (she's very enjoyable and I'm sad that she has left); she's going to do great things.

Alright, so that was a long-winded story, but I just wanted to share my story of how God really is in control and He knows what He's doing, even if you don't have a clue as to what it is.  I never dreamed I would be in this place in my life, even though it's what I've been working towards.  It's refreshing and terribly depressing at the same time to know that God perseveres even when I have my doubts.  This is definitely a wake-up call for me to acknowledge and accept the fact that He is in control, not me, and I need to have faith and believe (and stop trying to be a control freak).

My new goal is to live in the present and stop worrying about the future.  We aren't promised tomorrow, so I shouldn't be wasting time today thinking about it.  So here is to living life in the moment!

-J